Natural Man

Sadly, I think being a jerk comes naturally for me. Being mean, selfish, and lazy are things that I consciously have to work on. This morning I was particularly being mean and selfish which negatively affected my dear husband. After he left for work and I realized that I wouldn't be able to see him all day did I recognize and feel sorry for how poorly I had treated him.

King Benjamin explained that the natural man remains an enemy to God until “he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:18–19.)

Elder Millet said, "One does not put off the natural man by living longer. Nor does one change his nature simply by attending meetings. The transformation is accomplished only as one chooses to be changed through the mediation of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Ghost, by means of gospel ordinances. In the language of President Benson, “The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”

I am so grateful for the opportunity to change and to become better. I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ. I know that through Him that all things are possible and even someone as ornery as me can "put of the natural man" and become a saint.

Trust in God

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).

In my 23 years of life on this earth I think I am beginning to understand that life doesn't always turn out how you had planned. After graduating from High School I wanted to go to Hawaii - hang out and have fun. I wanted to major in political science and then move to DC and work on capitol hill. In all actuality, I went to BYU-Idaho, majored in social work, got married, and now am going to graduate school at BYU. Although all of this may not be what I had originally planned, I am completely satisfied with my life. I am so blessed and so very happy.

When things don't turn out the way you had hoped, it's easy to question God or doubt in the future. I think this fear comes from a lack of faith in God, a lack of belief that He knows all, that He loves you, and that He wants and knows what best for you.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson shared counsel on this topic: "God can guide us to a future we do not or cannot now envision but which He knows is the better way for us." He then shared this story about President Hugh B. Brown, formerly a member of the Twelve and a counselor in the First Presidency. President Brown had bought a rundown farm in Canada many years ago. As he went about cleaning up and repairing his property, he came across a currant bush that had grown over six feet (1.8 m) high and was yielding no berries, so he pruned it back drastically, leaving only small stumps. Then he saw a drop like a tear on the top of each of these little stumps, as if the currant bush were crying, and thought he heard it say:

“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. … And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me. … How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”

President Brown replied, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’”

Years later, President Brown was a field officer in the Canadian Army serving in England. When a superior officer became a battle casualty, President Brown was in line to be promoted to general, and he was summoned to London. But even though he was fully qualified for the promotion, it was denied him because he was a Mormon. The commanding general said in essence, “You deserve the appointment, but I cannot give it to you.” What President Brown had spent 10 years hoping, praying, and preparing for slipped through his fingers in that moment because of blatant discrimination. Continuing his story, President Brown remembered:

“I got on the train and started back … with a broken heart, with bitterness in my soul. … When I got to my tent, … I threw my cap on the cot. I clenched my fists, and I shook them at heaven. I said, ‘How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. There is nothing that I could have done—that I should have done—that I haven’t done. How could you do this to me?’ I was as bitter as gall.

“And then I heard a voice, and I recognized the tone of this voice. It was my own voice, and the voice said, ‘I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.’ The bitterness went out of my soul, and I fell on my knees by the cot to ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness. …

“… And now, almost 50 years later, I look up to [God] and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’

God knew what Hugh B. Brown was to become and what was needed for that to happen, and He redirected his course to prepare him for the holy apostleship.

I have come to a point in my life where I trust God and know that He has so many wonderful things in store for me. He knows me so perfectly and wants whats best for me. I have faith in the future because I know God will be a part of it. I know He is aware of my circumstances and that He loves me. I will continue to put my faith and trust in God so that in return, He can come to trust me.

God Exists

There is no question in my mind that God exists. I know He is there. I know He created me, the trees, the mountains and everything else in heaven and on earth. I recognize His Hand in my life. I know that I am a child of God and because I know that I have a core feeling of peace and contentment. Knowing that I am a child of God gives my life meaning and direction.

 I recently began an internship at the Children's Justice Center. I work with children and youth who have been sexually abused. It at times can be extremely difficult. On a day-to-day basis I hear the most horrific stories that just make your stomach churn. I see heartache, trauma, and work with children who have been victimized in the most horrible way!

I have found myself asking, "Why God, why would you let this happen to your children?" This question has been stirring in my mind for several weeks now. How could a loving Father in Heaven allow such terrible things happen to His children?

Deep in my heart and soul stirs the reassurance that not only that God exists, but that He loves each one of us so much. He knows everything that we go through and everything that we are going to face. I am grateful for the knowledge that He can heal any wound. I am grateful to know that someday we will live with Him again and anything that might be wrong in this world will be made right. I know this to be true!

Look Not behind Thee

I love this clip and the message that it shares, it's so powerful. Look not behind thee. I know that there have been times in my life where I have been afraid to move on, where I have been satisfied with where I was currently or my mindset has been focused on the past.

Isn't it wonderful to know that because of our Savior Jesus Christ, we always can have a bright future? Because of the atonement of Jesus Christ I know that each day we can have a fresh start. Everyday brings new opportunities, embrace them, and live life to the fullest.

Perspective

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like things just can't get worse? When it rains it pours? When all you can think about is how life is so hard and how things can't get worse? I had one of those days yesterday. 

The day started with me waking up early to study some more for my statistics midterm. I'd already spent hours studying my brains out but I really wanted to ace this thing. I went to school, I had a little prayer in my heart, but once I started going through the test I began feeling somewhat nauseous realizing that I did not comprehend the majority of the exam. I was the last one to finish the test. I'd never bombed an exam before and as I was walking to my next class I could feel tears running down my face. Boy, did I feel like an idiot. I called Michael (my husband) and told him about the test. He came and took me out to lunch which was awfully sweet of him and then took me home since I had a few hours before my next class. 

I decided to ride my bike down to campus. Once on my bike I realized that my brakes were not working. Wow, can I just say that I was not a happy camper. What a mess. I got to class just in time and when I sat down some girl's yogurt exploded and got all over me. What a bigger mess!

I won't bore you with the rest of my sob story but I'll finish with how I am feeling today. I woke up this morning with a new vitality and energy for life. I had a good night's rest, it's a brand new day, a fresh new start. The gospel of Jesus Christ helps me to gain an eternal perspective and brush bad days off my shoulders. I receive strength from knowing who I am, what my purpose is, and that I am not held captive by the past and that I have all eternity to grow, learn, and choose happiness. “We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today, our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of transformation; it takes us as men of women of the earth and refines us into men and women for eternities.” – Elder Wirthlin